The things you discover on the internet, eh? This week I discovered that not only is my baby the size of an avocado (why do they always compare the size to fruit and vegetables?) but this is the week it will always start kicking! Except in my case, it happened two weeks ago... although I didn't actually realise until this week what it was.
In fact, I thought I was feeling a tad gassy - bubbles in the stomach, bloating, you know the score. Even my husband, who had his hand lay on my tummy, felt the bubbly sensation. Now, however, after reading various articles on the web, I realise this was my baby kicking. Not quite the momentous occasion I had thought it would be... and not as reassuring as I thought it would be either.
Now I'm paranoid if I haven't had the weird fluttering sensation and keep analysing every possible bubble - it is wind? is it a kick - to see if the little blighter is alright. This pregnancy lark really isn't easy. I've tried to be laidback but it would be so easy to step into the world of neurotic new mum.
Anyway, I'll be starting the new decade 4 and a half months pregnant, and as hubby is working, I'll be spending tonight - New Year's Eve - on my own. I really don't mind though - this time next year, we'll be a whole proper family and I think that's worth sacrificing just one night out for! Happy new year to you all.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Week 16: Christmas without the booze
Christmas is a strange time to be pregnant. It's that time of year when everyone drinks, eats and spends far too much - none of which I really felt I could indulge in. So it's not been particularly Christmassy for me. That's not to say I haven't enjoyed people pampering me and telling me to put my feet up but I feel I've missed out on the festive fun somewhat.
Take my Christmas party (a snap from which is below - that's me, second from the right). It was great fun getting dressed up and all the pre-party anticipation... which is why it was such a let down. There are some social events when you do need to drink - and this was one of them. In fact, I was so bored, that I left at 10pm! I'm not sure whether it was the constant slurring of my work colleagues or the fact they kept telling me it was a shame I couldn't drink or that I looked good - for a preganant women - but I was just beyond bored.
The only thing getting me through is that this time next year, baby will be here and I'll actually be able to indulge in the odd glass of champers without feeling very, very guilty.
I also really hated the whole party fashion dilemma. Being only 4 months pregnant, I'm not quite big enough for maternity clothes yet my old dresses don't fit. My top tip? Hit the cheapo shops such as Primark and buy one size bigger. The dress I'm wearing above cost me the grand total of £14 so I don't care if I never wear it again... however, I'm off to a 40th birthday party soon and so it will be getting some good use.
My other top tip? Accessorise, accessorise, accessorise. It's the only way you can stand out in a sea of smock dresses and tunics. Oh and don't give up those high heels until you absolutely must.
Take my Christmas party (a snap from which is below - that's me, second from the right). It was great fun getting dressed up and all the pre-party anticipation... which is why it was such a let down. There are some social events when you do need to drink - and this was one of them. In fact, I was so bored, that I left at 10pm! I'm not sure whether it was the constant slurring of my work colleagues or the fact they kept telling me it was a shame I couldn't drink or that I looked good - for a preganant women - but I was just beyond bored.
The only thing getting me through is that this time next year, baby will be here and I'll actually be able to indulge in the odd glass of champers without feeling very, very guilty.
I also really hated the whole party fashion dilemma. Being only 4 months pregnant, I'm not quite big enough for maternity clothes yet my old dresses don't fit. My top tip? Hit the cheapo shops such as Primark and buy one size bigger. The dress I'm wearing above cost me the grand total of £14 so I don't care if I never wear it again... however, I'm off to a 40th birthday party soon and so it will be getting some good use.
My other top tip? Accessorise, accessorise, accessorise. It's the only way you can stand out in a sea of smock dresses and tunics. Oh and don't give up those high heels until you absolutely must.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Week 14: Hormones go wild!
Ask any of my friends and family and they'll tell you that 'emotional' should be my middle name. My moods swing back and forth as much as Jennifer Aniston's love life. I can be manic, hilarious, moody, sad, and I cry at the drop of a hat. I have been known to cry at EastEnders... and my mother tells me I cried every day until I was 8. So, you can imagine how much all those close to me are enjoying the fact that pregnancy has sent my hormones well into overdrive.
Now I get elated at anything, but more prominently I get upset at EVERYTHING. I've actually been reduced to tears while reading some heartwrenching story in the newspaper on the train in the morning so many times that I've become a master at pretending to have a cold and wipe away the sniffles.
I also take everything way too personally - whether it's someone slagging my Mariah Carey interview off on You Tube or someone bumping into me on the overcrowded streets of London. I've always been quite self critical, but this really is taking things to the extreme! At least, I know I'm a stupid, blubbing bag of hormones.
One thing I didn't guarantee on though was one of my very best friends going through IVF while I am pregnant. I know she is dreadfully hurt by my situation. My husband and I are very lucky people as I'm 36 and we only tried for a month before we got pregnant; whereas my poor friend has been trying for a couple of years and has just started on her IVF journey. Nothing prepared me for the phone call I made to tell her my good news, as it was also when she told me her first attempt had failed. We've known each since we were 3 so it's gutting that at the moment, she wants to keep me at arm's length. I've emailed, I've sent flowers, but she just doesn't want to know.
In my pre-pregnancy state, I wouldn't have taken this to heart at all, instead realising it was her situation upsetting her. However, now, I truly believe it's me. I'm so scared she won't want to see me this Christmas.
I'm just hoping the hormones came down a bit as my bump grows as this rate, I'll be crying over my copy of Grazia every Tuesday!
Now I get elated at anything, but more prominently I get upset at EVERYTHING. I've actually been reduced to tears while reading some heartwrenching story in the newspaper on the train in the morning so many times that I've become a master at pretending to have a cold and wipe away the sniffles.
I also take everything way too personally - whether it's someone slagging my Mariah Carey interview off on You Tube or someone bumping into me on the overcrowded streets of London. I've always been quite self critical, but this really is taking things to the extreme! At least, I know I'm a stupid, blubbing bag of hormones.
One thing I didn't guarantee on though was one of my very best friends going through IVF while I am pregnant. I know she is dreadfully hurt by my situation. My husband and I are very lucky people as I'm 36 and we only tried for a month before we got pregnant; whereas my poor friend has been trying for a couple of years and has just started on her IVF journey. Nothing prepared me for the phone call I made to tell her my good news, as it was also when she told me her first attempt had failed. We've known each since we were 3 so it's gutting that at the moment, she wants to keep me at arm's length. I've emailed, I've sent flowers, but she just doesn't want to know.
In my pre-pregnancy state, I wouldn't have taken this to heart at all, instead realising it was her situation upsetting her. However, now, I truly believe it's me. I'm so scared she won't want to see me this Christmas.
I'm just hoping the hormones came down a bit as my bump grows as this rate, I'll be crying over my copy of Grazia every Tuesday!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Week 13: The Nublet's first starring role!
The first scan. It's almost a holy thing, isn't it? I've heard mums-to-be eulogise about how amazing it was and how it created a bond between them and baby, so I was expecting big things.
Now, don't get me wrong - it's an amazing thing to see your baby for the first time, but rather than be overwhelmed with emotions, I was in awe at the tiny brain you can see and thinking about what path life had in store for this little nublet. However, there was emotion aplenty from the husband who ran to the screen, with a tear in his eye, prompting the scanner to tell him to 'sit down sir so your wife can see the screen'. Bless him.
I was also really relieved to find out everything was OK as I managed to pick up a nasty stomach bug in Cuba and all sorts of things were running through my head. To see it's little heart beating was truly out of this world, however, it didn't make me go mushy. Instead, it's actually made me more excited about the journey we're embarking on. The next scan is in January and we will be able to tell the sex. We've decided to find out, causing some people to say we're removing the romance from the situation, but I say if we find out the sex, that's one gender less of baby names to argue over!
The nublet also had another starring role this week as my interview with Mariah Carey went live on You Tube. OK, so it's not TV, but 7,500 people have viewed it making the nublet a star in my eyes! OK, so you can't see much of a tummy but what a thing to be able to say to the baby when it's all grown up... you were in my tummy when Mummy met Mariah! Let's just hope her diva tendencies didn't wash off on the bump. Mariah kept me waiting 4 hours, I'm hoping the nublet will not keep me waiting too much once the labour process starts!
Now, don't get me wrong - it's an amazing thing to see your baby for the first time, but rather than be overwhelmed with emotions, I was in awe at the tiny brain you can see and thinking about what path life had in store for this little nublet. However, there was emotion aplenty from the husband who ran to the screen, with a tear in his eye, prompting the scanner to tell him to 'sit down sir so your wife can see the screen'. Bless him.
I was also really relieved to find out everything was OK as I managed to pick up a nasty stomach bug in Cuba and all sorts of things were running through my head. To see it's little heart beating was truly out of this world, however, it didn't make me go mushy. Instead, it's actually made me more excited about the journey we're embarking on. The next scan is in January and we will be able to tell the sex. We've decided to find out, causing some people to say we're removing the romance from the situation, but I say if we find out the sex, that's one gender less of baby names to argue over!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Week 12: The bump goes on holiday!
Every November, the hubby and I try to go away and celebrate our wedding anniversary (we got married the same day as TomKat you know!) and this year was no different. In the summer we booked a dream trip to Cuba - all inclusive, action packed, lots of sunshine. Of course at the time, we didn't know that I would be with nublet...
Going on holiday when you're pregnant is strange. You can't do any of the activities normally associated with holidays - you know, copious amounts of binge drinking, eating strange and somewhat dangerous foods, riding motorbikes, sunbathing, taking part in watersports, late nights. Facts that were only compounded by the fact that we were staying in an amazing all-inclusive resort with all the booze and food you could possibly consume.
I was looking forward to the holiday but wasn't sure how I would enjoy the change, but I needn't have worried. Even though I had to mostly stay in the shade, avoid the delicious homegrown mojitos and daquiris, and being attacked by full on mossies, I still had a fabulous time. It just goes to show that you can adapt and that perhaps being a mum won't be quite as crazy and scary and life-changing as I thought.
One of my biggest concerns was getting into a bikini! I wouldn't have minded if we'd gone when I was properly pregnant, but at the moment, I currently look like I have a beer belly. I needn't have worried though - I was smaller and more toned than most of the non-pregnant women around the pool. Actually, it gave me such a great sense of freedom, knowing yes I had a belly but it was for a good reason. Bizarrely, it was probably the most confident I've ever felt wearing a bikini!
I even had a taster of a daquiri at one of Ernest Hemingway's favourite bars and let me tell you after not drinking for so long, it was extra delicious! I also partook in early morning dance classes where I learnt how to do the cha-cha-cha, which I never normally would've been up in time for, swam with dolphins, got a nice tan, ate gorgeous food and fully relaxed.
The only thing I hated was the flight. My belly became even more bloated and it felt very uncomfortable. Top tips for that is to avoid gassy drinks prior to and during the flight, and to wear flight socks as thrombosis cazn be more common when pregnant.
Needless to say, the hubby and I enjoyed it so much we're now planning our babymoon - our one last holiday before the baby come. Our baby will be so well travelled before it's even born!!!
Going on holiday when you're pregnant is strange. You can't do any of the activities normally associated with holidays - you know, copious amounts of binge drinking, eating strange and somewhat dangerous foods, riding motorbikes, sunbathing, taking part in watersports, late nights. Facts that were only compounded by the fact that we were staying in an amazing all-inclusive resort with all the booze and food you could possibly consume.
I was looking forward to the holiday but wasn't sure how I would enjoy the change, but I needn't have worried. Even though I had to mostly stay in the shade, avoid the delicious homegrown mojitos and daquiris, and being attacked by full on mossies, I still had a fabulous time. It just goes to show that you can adapt and that perhaps being a mum won't be quite as crazy and scary and life-changing as I thought.
One of my biggest concerns was getting into a bikini! I wouldn't have minded if we'd gone when I was properly pregnant, but at the moment, I currently look like I have a beer belly. I needn't have worried though - I was smaller and more toned than most of the non-pregnant women around the pool. Actually, it gave me such a great sense of freedom, knowing yes I had a belly but it was for a good reason. Bizarrely, it was probably the most confident I've ever felt wearing a bikini!
I even had a taster of a daquiri at one of Ernest Hemingway's favourite bars and let me tell you after not drinking for so long, it was extra delicious! I also partook in early morning dance classes where I learnt how to do the cha-cha-cha, which I never normally would've been up in time for, swam with dolphins, got a nice tan, ate gorgeous food and fully relaxed.
The only thing I hated was the flight. My belly became even more bloated and it felt very uncomfortable. Top tips for that is to avoid gassy drinks prior to and during the flight, and to wear flight socks as thrombosis cazn be more common when pregnant.
Needless to say, the hubby and I enjoyed it so much we're now planning our babymoon - our one last holiday before the baby come. Our baby will be so well travelled before it's even born!!!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Week 11: The week where um... oh god.. what was I saying?!
The sickness is slowly subsiding, thank god, but I am now faced with a new problem - I appear to be brain-dead.
I've always prided myself on my excellent memory. Whether it's remembering useful information for work or not so-useful-information (quiz me on any Take That lyric, go on!) - I've suddenly become well a bit blonde. OK, so I am blonde, but I've never been the dumb blonde variety before.
This morning for example, I struggled to remember the name of a close friend's partner - Kat, Alice, Julie... no, it's actually Anna. Doh! At work, my to do list has become the most important document on my desk - if I don't write it down, it doesn't get done! So you can imagine my dismay when I had to interview Mariah Carey last week.
For the first week after finding out I was due to interview the diva, I mostly worried that I would throw up all over her stupendous rack. As the nausea faded however, I was filled with a new worry - that I would totally forget my questions. I've interviewed numerous celebrities on camera and have never needed more than a few notes jotted down on paper, but even after reading and re-reading my questions several times, I had to write the full questions out.
Thankfully, even though Mariah kept me waiting for 4 hours, I didn't freeze during the actual interview, which was a HUGE concern but I know I was having to concentrate on what I was going to ask her much more than I normally would.
I also spent the entire interview trying to suck in my burgeoning belly. Mariah may look super curvy on TV but in reality, she is quite svelte and I didn't want to look like a porker next to her. God, what if I have to interview a huge, beautiful celebrity when I'm huge and not-so-beautiful?! Ther perils of pregnancy continue...
I've always prided myself on my excellent memory. Whether it's remembering useful information for work or not so-useful-information (quiz me on any Take That lyric, go on!) - I've suddenly become well a bit blonde. OK, so I am blonde, but I've never been the dumb blonde variety before.
This morning for example, I struggled to remember the name of a close friend's partner - Kat, Alice, Julie... no, it's actually Anna. Doh! At work, my to do list has become the most important document on my desk - if I don't write it down, it doesn't get done! So you can imagine my dismay when I had to interview Mariah Carey last week.
For the first week after finding out I was due to interview the diva, I mostly worried that I would throw up all over her stupendous rack. As the nausea faded however, I was filled with a new worry - that I would totally forget my questions. I've interviewed numerous celebrities on camera and have never needed more than a few notes jotted down on paper, but even after reading and re-reading my questions several times, I had to write the full questions out.Thankfully, even though Mariah kept me waiting for 4 hours, I didn't freeze during the actual interview, which was a HUGE concern but I know I was having to concentrate on what I was going to ask her much more than I normally would.
I also spent the entire interview trying to suck in my burgeoning belly. Mariah may look super curvy on TV but in reality, she is quite svelte and I didn't want to look like a porker next to her. God, what if I have to interview a huge, beautiful celebrity when I'm huge and not-so-beautiful?! Ther perils of pregnancy continue...
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Top Tip: Join the band!
I promised top tips but I've been so busy dealing with the sickness and tiredness, that I've not yet got round to it, however yesterday while struggling to get into my favourite black skinny jeans, I came up with a genius solution - even if I do say so myself!
After putting a few pounds on, I'm not exactly big enough for maternity gear but don't quite fit into some of my clothes - like the black skinny jeans. After a massive tantrum, which involved throwing said jeans across the room, I suddenly had a flashback to one of those Innovation catalogues that come with the Sunday papers! I remember a product that promised to create more inches on tight clothes, which was really just a glorified elastic band.
So rummaging around in my drawers, I pulled out a hairband and voila - my own crafty way of expanding my beloved jeans. I just looped the hairband round the button, through the button hole and back round the button - genius!
OK, so I still have to wear a long top over the jeans but it means that I can wear my favourite clothes for that little bit longer, without feeling too much like a big old whale. Just have to hope no-one catches sight of my my temporary make-do...
After putting a few pounds on, I'm not exactly big enough for maternity gear but don't quite fit into some of my clothes - like the black skinny jeans. After a massive tantrum, which involved throwing said jeans across the room, I suddenly had a flashback to one of those Innovation catalogues that come with the Sunday papers! I remember a product that promised to create more inches on tight clothes, which was really just a glorified elastic band.
So rummaging around in my drawers, I pulled out a hairband and voila - my own crafty way of expanding my beloved jeans. I just looped the hairband round the button, through the button hole and back round the button - genius!
OK, so I still have to wear a long top over the jeans but it means that I can wear my favourite clothes for that little bit longer, without feeling too much like a big old whale. Just have to hope no-one catches sight of my my temporary make-do...
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Week 10: Vomitting is not fun!
What's all this crap about pregnancy making you feel all glowing and healthy? At the moment, between puking my stomach contents up and feeling so tired that I fall asleep as soon as I sit down on the train home, I've got no time to glow.
I knew this first few weeks would be hell, but didn't really realise just how bad it would be. After years of pushing my body to the limit (whether that was too much partying, too much work or too much bad food!), I'm now having to listen to it. What?! It's obviously a taste of things to come in my new life - the nublet (as it will henceforth be called due to its nubbs for fingers) is going to take control of everything! I hate the fact that I'm too tired to go to the gym, or too sick to stay up and watch TV - thank goodness my fave show Gossip Girl is on at 8pm.
I also hate the fact that whatever I do, I'm going to get fat! It's such a strange feeling after years of eating healthily and exercising in order to ensure I stayed slim. If I was feeling better, I'd say to hell with it and stuff my face with cake but the thought of that... actually I can't think about it, otherwise I'll be paying an urgent visit to the work bathroom!
It doesn't help that all the pregnant celebs you see look blummin fantastic. Take ole Christina Aguilera who posed in her birthday suit for Marie Claire and still looked sexy. I feel as sexy as a dirty old sock.
I know they must have their off days, where they hide behind their high gated walls, but why can't they look a bit more normal? I can't remember seeing Claudia Schiffer looking anything other than blummin radiant when she was pregnant! And Kate Hudson may have piled the pounds on but she looked stylish and a normal healthy colour the entire time!
Perhaps I should go into hibernation until this first trimester is up?! Any suggestions on how to deal with vomiting-work-life balance would be greatly appreciated!
I knew this first few weeks would be hell, but didn't really realise just how bad it would be. After years of pushing my body to the limit (whether that was too much partying, too much work or too much bad food!), I'm now having to listen to it. What?! It's obviously a taste of things to come in my new life - the nublet (as it will henceforth be called due to its nubbs for fingers) is going to take control of everything! I hate the fact that I'm too tired to go to the gym, or too sick to stay up and watch TV - thank goodness my fave show Gossip Girl is on at 8pm.
I also hate the fact that whatever I do, I'm going to get fat! It's such a strange feeling after years of eating healthily and exercising in order to ensure I stayed slim. If I was feeling better, I'd say to hell with it and stuff my face with cake but the thought of that... actually I can't think about it, otherwise I'll be paying an urgent visit to the work bathroom!
I know they must have their off days, where they hide behind their high gated walls, but why can't they look a bit more normal? I can't remember seeing Claudia Schiffer looking anything other than blummin radiant when she was pregnant! And Kate Hudson may have piled the pounds on but she looked stylish and a normal healthy colour the entire time!
Perhaps I should go into hibernation until this first trimester is up?! Any suggestions on how to deal with vomiting-work-life balance would be greatly appreciated!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Week 7: Baby or bloat?
This has taught me 2 things. I don't actually want to know what's happening to this alien in my belly. Nubs - eurgh! It just sounds so disgusting. Secondly, don't believe everything you read. According to all the literature you get given, you don't start putting on weight until about week 12. As someone who exercises regularly and eats well, I was so flummoxed as to why I put the weight on so started researching it. Thank god for Google!
It seems that the 3 inches I've put on are thanks to gas and possible constitpation. Mmm, delicious. All these films that portray pregnancy as this wonderful, romantic time are so off the ball. I don't think a stomach that's 3 inches bigger than normal and the passing off regular wind is really that attractive.
Doing my bit of internet research has helped me feel better. Lots of other people are bigger than I am at my stage. It's also given me hope that there are lots of un-yummy mums like me that aren't gushing about this miracle of life and are in fact, slightly repulsed by the whole thing!
My only worry now though is that according to some of my Google research, I might be expecting twins...
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Week 4: Shock. Horror. Excitement. Delight!
Hello there. My name is Jayne and I'm pregnant. Not a hugely shocking confession, but it is for me. I've never ben maternal or particularly wanted kids, but have recently found out that that's exactly what's going to happen to me in um, about 9 months.
Even though this is an unexpected pregnancy, I'm not 16 or single or unemployed... in fact, I'm married, 36 and in a great full-time job that pays an above average wage. So why am I worried?! I'm of that selfish generation who have done exactly what they wanted and when they wanted - including a fabulously hedonistic 5 years of being single.
This isn't to say that I'm not happy about the news, it's just a bit unexpected and well, not very me. I don't gush over small baby-sized shoes; I'm not that woman who runs to see the baby in the room and I'm certainly not the type to go goo-goo when friends tell me they're pregnant. I am however quite brilliant with kids and helped bring my niece up when she was very small. I'm on their wavelength you see and understand exactly what they want so I know I'll make a good mum, however, I won't fit into the mould of what a good mum should be.
So this is why I'm writing my blog. I can't be the only non-gushy mum out there but when you read all the literature available, you start to think you're in the minority. My doctor gave me a book when I found out I was pregnant and frankly it was so saccharine sweet that it made me want to be sick. Gushing over baby clothes, rowing with husbands due to hormones - pah, that is so not me. It made me feel lonely as opposed to part of a community, but instead of being sad old mum-to-be, I thought I'd get my feelings out there and hopefully help other people who feel the same - I know you're out there.
Follow my journey here - I promise there won't be any gushing, plus I'll be giving real tips on how to cope with this huge change, including how to look great when you're very fat!!
Even though this is an unexpected pregnancy, I'm not 16 or single or unemployed... in fact, I'm married, 36 and in a great full-time job that pays an above average wage. So why am I worried?! I'm of that selfish generation who have done exactly what they wanted and when they wanted - including a fabulously hedonistic 5 years of being single.
This isn't to say that I'm not happy about the news, it's just a bit unexpected and well, not very me. I don't gush over small baby-sized shoes; I'm not that woman who runs to see the baby in the room and I'm certainly not the type to go goo-goo when friends tell me they're pregnant. I am however quite brilliant with kids and helped bring my niece up when she was very small. I'm on their wavelength you see and understand exactly what they want so I know I'll make a good mum, however, I won't fit into the mould of what a good mum should be.
So this is why I'm writing my blog. I can't be the only non-gushy mum out there but when you read all the literature available, you start to think you're in the minority. My doctor gave me a book when I found out I was pregnant and frankly it was so saccharine sweet that it made me want to be sick. Gushing over baby clothes, rowing with husbands due to hormones - pah, that is so not me. It made me feel lonely as opposed to part of a community, but instead of being sad old mum-to-be, I thought I'd get my feelings out there and hopefully help other people who feel the same - I know you're out there.
Follow my journey here - I promise there won't be any gushing, plus I'll be giving real tips on how to cope with this huge change, including how to look great when you're very fat!!
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